Bass Book Review ii: Boundaries with kids…really, with myself.
I have been giving the idea of boundaries quite a bit of thought lately, which was spurned by thinking about how to approach this book review. I felt strange with the way that I was thinking about boundaries, and then I had an epiphany. First, a little back story: my wife and I just welcomed a new baby boy into the world, and like most parents we want to make him one of the best humans he can possibly be to us, others, and himself. I also knew that I was coming to a point in my life that I needed to establish boundaries with others, musically, socially and personally. I was always taught to follow my heart and do what ever I felt like and that only consistently led me to hurt others or myself–real free-range-livin’. After a spiritual metamorphosis, some of my issues fell by the wayside but that gave the other problems room to grow. Needless to say, I was ready to read this book that our close friends had recommended for parenting development.
Through reading I discovered ways that I knew I would parent but I also discovered ways that I would have have to have boundaries with my own life. I feel like so much emphasis goes into having boundaries with others, that other people are the problem, but as I contemplated “Boundaries” I realized something deeper, that I am actually the problem. I have to set the limits of what is healthy for me, not exclude the individual for their actions, personality type, or otherwise. So often I think people get rid of “toxic” people only to find themselves involved in a similarly terrible predicament with someone else. To know your boundaries you have to know yourself. Granted, raising a kid and dealing with musicians are two totally different things, in some ways, but the root is the same.
If you know yourself, you know what is healthy for you, and it may be as simple as not taking gigs where you play in bars or churches, what type of musicians you want to hang around with, lead or be led by (and potentially influenced by); maybe you need boundaries for your self on how many and how long rehearsals are; or how many gigs you book a month, and how much money you are asking for and or receiving. To me, these are all boundaries, that when set, will help you to become more satisfied with the current state of your personal life. Putting the focus on yourself rather than others is a healthy step in the right direction, and I believe that this book inspired that thinking. I recommend this Author. Click on the pic to be directed to more options for Boundaries books.